


look at me, look at me!

by thatsjustHoneyDewbabe



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Gen, Internal Monologue, M/M, Mind Rape, Mommy Issues, Neon Genesis Evangelion References, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sickfic, Whump, blatant copying of asukas mindrape, i love krolia, i put a warning for noncon but it isnt detailed, im really sorry keith, kinda sheith, not s8 compliant, set before s5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 05:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17176676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsjustHoneyDewbabe/pseuds/thatsjustHoneyDewbabe
Summary: A robot attacks Keith, and leaves his mind to eat itself.





	look at me, look at me!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this was written in exactly one whole hour!! NGE is going on Netflix and I wanted to get this out of my system. Sorry Keith! Please know that this is a blatant copy of Asuka's mind rape!!!!

They’re fighting what seems to be another mindless bot sent out to retrieve Voltron. Spread out, the strategy is clockwork, they’re all in sync with Shiro leading. The bot changes it’s fighting style, and emits a bright white beam. The red lion is in direct fire.

 

Keith hears yelling to get out of the way, and then he himself gasps as the beam pushes his lion back.

 

\-----------

 

Then, the bright light of the beam surrounds him in a dark, endless space. He’s overlooking something, some sort of exchange.

 

A child crying. It’s him at nine years old, and he’s crying. His dad's got a heavy burn on part of his back. He’s the only person that Keith has. Overwhelmed after applying burn cream, Keith tried to contain his exhausted tears in his bed pillow.

 

Don’t leave me.

 

\-----------

 

 

“Keith,” his first foster mom frowned. He’s eleven years old. There is a broken T-Rex figurine on the ground. “That was a Christmas present. Why did you do that?“

 

Keith slams his foot down on the toy, splitting it into two separate pieces. His hands on his hips. “Because I don’t need any stupid toys, I’m not a child. I grew up faster than other kids.”

  
  
Don’t leave me. Dad, don’t leave me.

 

_I’m sorry, Keith. He won’t be coming home. We found what’s leftover of his remains._

 

He’s ten years old, and hasn’t hit his first growth spurt yet. The other day, his father made a joke about when he eventually will be teaching him how to shave.

 

But his father, several hours ago, was alive. Now he’s dead. What was it like? Dying? He burnt bacon the other day. Did his father smell like that?

 

He vomits. Not at realizing that he’s an orphan, but at that imaginary smokey smell that won’t stop filling up his nose and lungs.

 

_Our options are limited. You don’t know any extended family?_

 

_You can’t live on your own, Keith. But, we can send you to a loving family that will take care of you._

 

I don’t need to! I can live at home, by myself. Someone has to look after the house. Who’s going to protect our home? My home?

 

Where is my home, now? Do I have a home? My last name, who am I?

 

He sees his dad’s smiling face. Then he’s standing above a large hole, seeing his dad's casket being lowered into the ground.

 

Dad, no. Don’t stop being my dad. You can’t leave me, you can’t!

 

Everyone leaves. Everyone will leave me.

 

The abyss turns into a plain bedroom. The second foster home. He’s thirteen and there’s a tightening belt around his throat.

 

_You can’t tell anyone, okay? This is our secret. Just you and I._

 

He returns to the abyss, the belt is in his hands. He gasps, and tosses it towards the ground. The sound that the buckle makes bounces off of the floor and rings in his ears. It’s nauseating. His knees hit the floor, and he keels over.

 

“Please,” He yells into the abyss. “Don’t make me see more. Please, I’ve tried to forget those things please-- don’t unravel them.” He starts to tremble and puts his face in his hands. “Stop it, stop it now!”

 

\-----------

 

“It’s good to have you back.” Lance says, laced with cockiness.

 

“This is how I lead!” His voice is leveled, a smirk on his face.

 

Lance angrily clenches his fists, growling. “There’s no such thing as pilot error!”

 

No! None of this is the real me!

 

\-----------

 

  
“It’s good to have you back.” Pidge says, relieved. She secretly wishes she was saying this to her brother, instead.

 

“This is how I lead!” She reassures. Her large glasses slide off of her nose bridge and she has to lift them back up.

 

She puts her hands on her hips, screaming, “There’s no such thing as pilot error!"

 

No! None of this is the real me!

 

\-----------

 

“It’s good to have you back.” Hunk says, smiling.

 

“This is how I lead!” His voice shakes from how constant his nerves are shot.

 

He puts his hands out in front of him, gesturing, tears in his eyes, “There’s no such thing as pilot error!”

 

No! None of this is the real me!

\-----------

 

“It’s good to have you back,” Allura says. Her voice is steady, her posture rigid. But her eyes are bright.

 

“This is how I lead!” Her voice booms, practiced from being a princess.

 

She crosses her arms, and puffs out her chest, “There is no such thing as pilot error!”

 

No! None of this is the real me!

 

\-----------

 

“It’s good to be back,” Shiro says, grateful for being rescued. He fits into his father’s vest well.

 

“This is how I lead!” He reiterates, with a strong posture, and hands by his side.

 

“I’m sorry, Keith. For leaving you.” He looks so remorseful, filled with guilt. Keith dropping out keeps Shiro awake at night sometimes.

 

**No! None of this is the real me!**

 

\-----------

 

The abyss turns into his old home, the one that he knew he belonged to. The air is fog, he can barely see his hand when he lifts it up. There’s something crinkling in the background, growing louder and louder. Then he smells smoke. The room turns fog into menacing black smog. There’s no other choice but to breathe it in. Keith runs from wherever he is to try and find an exit. But there’s nothing. Only warm smoke, that’s growing warmer until it’s hot. His chest burns.

 

“Dad, dad--!” He tries to shout, interrupted by a rough cough he hacks out of his chest. “Help me, help me, help me Dad! Help me!”

 

The smoke vanishes. He welcomes the cool air, and looks around the room with wide eyes. Then, he sees the back of someone. A woman, she’s leaving the house, halfway out the door. His father didn’t help him. She did.

 

“Why are you there, damn you!” He screams. She doesn't turn towards him.

 

“You left us!”

 

_He moves schools after his father's death, and struggles to make a friend. A month after starting, someone moved his desk onto the roof. His classmates decided to declare him as an unperson. The teacher doesn't care enough to stop it. His presence isn't acknowledged for the rest of the school year._

  
  
“You didn’t keep me!”

 

_His father is still alive. Keith gets suspended from school, at only five years old, because he punched a kid who made fun of his mother. It took his father hours to calm him down, and Keith begging for his mother made his father start crying too._

  
  
“You don’t even love me!”

 

_It takes an entire group of Garrison officers to pull Keith off of Iverson. He gets expelled. With nowhere to go, he returns to his old home. It's wrecked, but he'll make do._

 

“You’re no one."

 

_Someone pulls the scarf off of his neck. It exposes the bruises from the belt. The teacher is called. He won't go back to that place, and has to move schools again._

 

"No one!"

 

 _A therapist he's forced to see tells him to draw something. Anything. He uses crayons and covers the entire sheet of paper in menacing swirls of black, gray and purple. Then he draws a melted face in red and orange. The therapist takes a good look at it, and smiles. Then, she tells him she doesn't have any openings for a while. He might need to find a new therapist._  

 

**"No one!”**

 

_It's the first night by himself, after getting out of the Garrison. He looks up at the bright night sky. There are no shooting stars, but he closes his eyes anyways, and makes a wish._

 

\-----------

 

  
**“Why did you leave me?”** A five year old Keith screams, tears streaking his cheeks and nose running. 

 

 

\-----------

 

 

He’s curled up, hugging his knees and covering his face. The abyss surrounds him once more. His body feels numb, broken.

 

The same five year old Keith, holding the ruined T-rex toy, stands in front of him.

 

“Are you alone?” He asks, and reaches his hand out. When he touches Keith’s arm, Keith shakes his head and tenses up.

 

“No!” Keith answers. His five year old self vanishes in the form of bubbles.

 

“Stay away from me! I don’t need anyone!”

 

_Keith rescuing Shiro on the bike. Keith finding the red lion. Keith bonding with the red lion. Keith yelling at Pidge about leaving. Keith going with Allura on a mission. Keith helping Shiro fight against Sendak. Keith trying to have a bonding moment with Lance. Keith and Hunk laughing together._

 

But do you love me?

 

“I’m going to live on my own!”

 

_Keith showing everyone his extensive search in the desert. Keith and Lance trying to climb up a dead elevator. Keith running away during a training session when the training dummy turned antagonistic. Keith running to find Shiro and jumping over a large canyon. Keith fighting off large aliens to protect Shiro. Keith reassuring Shiro that nothing will happen to him._

 

But do you love me?

  
  
“I won’t need help from anyone!”

 

_Keith finding out he’s Galra. Keith fighting, and fighting, and fighting. Keith screaming in pain when a blade member sliced into his shoulder. Keith watching Shiro leave, like everyone else does. Keith having his arm put around Shiro’s shoulders while they leave. Keith telling everyone that he’s Galra. Keith seeing everyone change around him. Keith trying to not react when Allura doesn’t recognize his hard work. Keith training, and training, and training--_

 

_Keith on his back, on a bed, throat collapsing from a tightening belt. He feels so full, like he's breaking in half. Pain shoots up his back. His black hair tangles as his head is dragged up and down repeatedly, with each thrust._

  
  
His five year old self smirks from ear to ear.

 

“But you’re lying.”

 

The scream he releases doesn’t sound human.

 

\-----------

 

**Secret**

 

**Abandonment**

 

**Father**

 

**Choking**

 

**Mother**

 

**Alone**

 

**Deception**

 

**Shiro**

 

**Violation**

 

**I can't breathe!**

  
  
**Sympathy**

 

**Non-consensual**

 

**Bonding**

 

**Presumption**

 

**Pilot Error**

 

**Galra**

 

**Rejection**

 

**Shame**

 

**Look at me!**

  
  
**Hostility**

 

**Guarded**

 

**Reason for living**

 

**No!**

 

**Attachment Behavior**

 

**Savior**

 

**Death**

 

Glass breaks in the background.

 

\-----------

 

It ends in less than a few minutes but it felt like stretched out, excruciating hours. Despite how he’s covered in his paladin armor, he feels naked. His entire body feels bruised.

 

The thing they were fighting was destroyed, and they did it without his help. Red flew him out of the way of the fighting. His voice is hoarse from his screaming.

 

“--Keith,” Shiro yells over the comm. All of the lions surround him. “Do you read me, Keith?” There’s background noise between the others. He can’t make them out, but everyone sounds worried, calling out his name.

 

“I’ve,” He croaks. “I’ve been violated.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> might write an after chapter? Not sure yet!


End file.
